I really cant explain the feeling I feel right now. I'm in some state of melancholy. I'm not angry at him nor could I be even though I probably should be. Its a wonder how when you like someone, they can be downright cruel but it doesnt change your feelings for them one bit. My lack of knowledge in the area of relationships is really coming through as I dont know what to do in this whole situation, I keep dwelling on something that doesnt exist because i'm afraid to let go. I'm afraid of going back to feeling empty again. Even though, I feel like shit around him sometimes, i'd rather have that then be alone. I wish i was good at something. I really can't find anything i'm good at, i'm not witty, i can't draw, i can't really write, i dont think I could make screenplays or such because i'm not that good of a writer, i can't paint, i can't play any musically instrument really well nor do I choose to really except maybe the guitar but when I tried picking that up I really had to force myself to practice and that didn't seem right. This can't attitude is holding me back, I never really try to do anything so how can I say i'm not good at it. I hate reading what others write and have it be something I never possibly concieve but yet they do this all the time on a whim. Why can't I be that creative or be able to string words together in such a fashion?